Wow, I never get on here anymore!!

Classes are going okay.  Finals are next week -- yuck!!  I'm so ready for next semester, though.  I'm ready for new classes!!  Except I'm taking 20 hours (so many).

I'm not working right now and it's really nice.  I do need to find a job, I'm just putting it off as long as possible!

Christmas is coming up soon and I've spent WAY too much money!  I'm still not completely done and I've already spent $500 +.  Talk about making me happy I don't have a BF to buy for too!!

Life is going great right now.  Things are better...closure has finally taken place with that one boy.  We're friends now and it feels great.

"I know it hurts, but it's life and it's real.  And sometimes it fucking hurts.  But it's life and it's pretty much all we've got."  - Garden State

"I'm not one to chase anything.  My opinion is that karma will be a bigger bitch than I'd ever have to be."

Currently Listening I'm Not Dead By Pink Who Knew see related

School is kicking my ass!  I read 50 + pages in one night, one book, for one class!  I haven't read that much since 8th grade!  Seriously...I hate reading. 

On a brighter note, my 22nd birthday is coming up!  I'm celebrating in Manhattan on Saturday, since my actual b-day is on a sunday.  Sunday I'll probably stop by Bobby T's for a few drinks in the evening.  I can't stay long since I have class the next day.

The 2nd weekend of October I'm taking about 10 of my guy/girl friends to one of our lake houses at the Ozarks.  I'm inviting Liz and Katelin, and since they're not 21 yet we'll go and party at Shooters...and 18+ club.  It's three stories and AMAZING!

We'll head up Friday and go out somewhere for happy hour, then go back to the lake house and play drinking games and stuff.  Saturday we'll shop, get dressed up and go out to dinner/cocktails around 4:30 or 5:00 pm, then go out to the club(s) that night.  Sunday we'll recover and drive home.  I'm oober excited!

Wow...I haven't been on here in FOREVER!  I don't think anyone gets on here anymore?  Oh well...I might as well make an update.

So school starts again in a week or so and I'm really excited.  After last semester, I was so happy for summer break.  But I've officially decided to go for my BSN and that makes me really eager to hurry up and get finished!  Plus I'll be making decent money as a nurse!  I'm going for my BSN with a minor in English with emphasis in International Studies.  I'm going to study abroad my second year of nursing school...for 6 weeks...SO EXCITED!

Hmm...dating life.  What dating life?  For the first time ever it's not that I don't want a boyfriend, it's that I want to be alone.  I just want to concentrate on me...and school.  I'm just really excited for my future life that I don't want anything or anyone to get in the way.  And yeah, maybe I was a little damaged in the last relationship...but it's made me think about what I want for my life so that's probably the best thing that happened in that year "relationship"...

Health...I've found out I have a thyroid problem but after I finish this medicine everything should be under control and I won't have anymore problems ((crossing my fingers)).  It sucks...it's caused alot of uncomfortable problems...

Maddox is two years old!  She's gorgeous...she looks so much like my mom, I can't believe it.  And she can stunt!  Of course, I taught her!

Ames is going to Nashville to meet with the record label paramount to record one of his songs.  He leaves on Sunday.  Brook was promoted to the BDC manager at Briggs...so that's exciting.  What's even better is Jay was promoted a few times so since he's so high up now he's at another building...so now she doesn't have to talk to him!  Haha!  Mom is married, Greg is in Afghanistan, Dad and Kim want to move to the lake.  This semester I'm staying with my mom since she's lonely with Greg being gone...plus it's closer to school and I don't have to pay bills!  I'm trying to get her to begin to workout again, since she was diagnosed with her disease...it can only help! 

After 2.5 years I finally quit Silverado's!  I miss it, but really it's probably the best decision I've made since I started working there.  It's changed so much.  Hawk and Becky are gone...so after that it wasn't much fun!  Caty quit when she went back to school in Columbia, so then it really started sucking!  Business went down, tips went down, fights got worse, people started quitting left and right, and it just wasn't worth it. 

After I quit Aero I started bartending @ Bobby T's (while I was still at Silverado's too).  Now I'm just bartending @ Riley's which is on post.  I bartend functions, like weddings and ceremonies.  Then I'll fill in at any of the bars on base.  It's really nice because it's $11 and hour plus you get to keep all of your tips!  Can't beat that!  I want to get a second job as well.  I was thinking bartending at the country club or maybe doing some personal attendent stuff...as long as I don't have to bathe people!  I'm also doing work study...nothing better than getting paid to study, right?!

Off to bed!! XOXO!

So...I really did it this time!  I haven't talked to him since I asked him not to come into the bar for a few weeks just so I had some time to get over things.  I didn't want him coming in to the bar while I'm working with another girl...just to make me upset.  I asked for a few weeks.  Just when I was working...not when I was there to party, just working.  That is VERY reasonable.  Well he went and told everyone I banned him from the bar.  I'm sorry...he's 25 years old and has to change the story around and be dramatic?  I would never go into Briggs while he's working, bring a guy in, dance on him, make out with him, and touch all over him.  That's what he did to her at the bar I work at...for two hours!  After he was asked to leave by another worker because he was making me upset, he still didn't.  That's called disrespect.  He could take her to ANY other bar in Aggieville or go there ANY night with her when I'm not working.  But no...he had to be an ass.  So me asking for a few weeks of him not coming in with a girl is perfectly fine.  Plus one of the weeks I knew he'd be gone in Boston.  I'm sorry he's almost 26 years old and has to change a story around to make it seem like he's some victim and I'm this horrible bad guy.  Give me a break.  After I found out he told everyone that, I called him and left him a message saying if he wanted to be a little baby and make up lies, go ahead and come into the bar.  I wouldn't say anything to him...he could come in, get on his little slut and all I wouldn't do anything.  I mean...if it makes him happy, great.

Now, however, I don't even care.  And I love it!  Looking at him I wonder what in the hell was I thinking?  Ten months...of him?  Sick.  He said he was always worried about a girl using him for his money.  I wasn't...but now that I look at it, that's the only good thing he has to offer!  His looks - average when he's all done up.  His personality - fun when he's outgoing and partying...but when you try to look deepers...he's only skin deep and he knows it.  He has no relationship with his mom, he blames his problems on other people, he can't own up to the responsibility of his son, he can't get over his past, he's selfish, jealous, egotistical, OVERLY cocky, and really just doesn't have any respect for the people that do care about him.  So you know what?  Later...so long.

My grandma told me she's pay for my tuition next semester.  Ahhh....huge relief!  Other than that, nothing new!  Becky, I miss you!

Currently Listening Move Along By All American Rejects It Ends Tonight see related

Life has changed alot lately.  First off, I quit Aero.  Huge relieft!  Second...the boy situation hasn't changed.  I try to walk away, but can't.  I mean I do for a little bit but I always go back to him.  But I'm really going to do it this time.  He has no respect for me it seems like.  And I'm not going to sell myself short because the truth is I am better him, and I say that knowing it's 100% true.  One person can't say certain things and be a certain way with you, then the next day be completely opposite...or get with some other girl!  It's bad on someone's psychy.  Really, it is.  I've let someone else bring me down...and that's not something I normally do.

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can't explain myself at all.
And all the wants
And all the needs
All I don't want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can't explain what you can't explain.
You're finding things that you didn't know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My mind's unweaving
Maybe it's best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I'm on my own side
It's better than being on your side
It's my fault when you're blind
It's better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside
Now you're the first to know

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight won't make this right
It's too late to fight
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Jessica Simpson's "Let Him Fly" is another good song...along with Carrie Underwood's, "Before He Cheats"...

So now I'm just going to hide out for awhile...that's what works best when I have to push someone away.